Irrsinn.net: taking joy in human unreason

Sweet Deviled Eggs

For many years, I was utterly confused when I ate other people’s deviled eggs. Why weren’t they sweet? What’s this weird paprika stuff?

Then I learned the secret to my mother’s deviled eggs: Miracle Whip.

Turn up your nose, cringe, flail at your love handles, whatever. The creepy creamy crack is the secret. People who would otherwise look at me like I’ve grown a second head have gobbled these things up. (That was before I knew of their loathing for Miracle Whip–I try not to serve people food that contains things they have moral objections to.)

Now, my mother isn’t a measuring cook, per se (which is fine, because we didn’t do a lot of baking), but here’s a rough recipe for the tastiest deviled eggs I’ve ever had:

Ingredients:

  • A dozen eggs, hard boiled, cooled, and shelled
  • ~1 cup Miracle Whip (you won’t need all of it). Low-fat/fat free is fine.
  • 2 tbsp of apple cider vinegar (brown vinegar)
  • 2 tbsp white sugar

Process:

  1. Slice your eggs in half length-wise, and lay out the halves in a flat container or on a tray. Put the yolks into a mixing bowl.
  2. Mash the egg yolks (a spoon is fine) until they’re fairly smooth. This can also be done in a stand mixer for a nicely whipped texture (aeration is fun!)
  3. Add in Miracle Whip until the consistency is that of a thick pudding or yogurt. It should be pretty stiff.
  4. Then add the vinegar and sugar, and continue mixing until everything is smooth. Now it should be as soft as normal pudding.
  5. Now comes the “no measuring” part: taste test it a bit. If it’s too sweet, add a dollop of vinegar. If it’s a bit too tangy, add a bit more sugar. Too thick? Try more Miracle Whip or more vinegar.
  6. Once everything tastes fine, spoon the mixture into the egg halves and serve!

This is easily expandable to 2, 3, 7, 99 dozen eggs–it scales quite well for parties and such, although shelling that many eggs is the bee’s bum.

Enjoy!