(This is third in a series of posts about Atlanta Poly Weekend 2013.)

I was utterly delighted at how many panels and discussions touched on questions of identity and codependence. I mean “identity” here as a self-discovery and self-listening process, rather than the external application of labels.

I’m early yet in my own exploration of codependence and the unhealthy behaviors I’ve harbored for many years. One of the things I’m focusing on is (re)discovering my own life patterns and identity. It’s a large component in why I moved into my own apartment.

When I saw a 5-7 adult family (with kids!) at APW, my first thought was, “Holy fuck, how do they stay themselves?”

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Last year, Greg and I expanded the boundaries of our relationship pretty drastically. It went really badly, but has resulted in an immense amount of growth for me: I’ve never been so independent within this relationship, so free to say “no” and feel my feelings without justifying or suppressing them.

And here you all probably thought I was kick-ass assertive 24/7.

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I’ve been struggling for a while to quantify something I’m taking issue with lately, and I finally think I hit the nail on the head.

Imagine, if you will, that you work with someone in a standard American corporate environment. Let’s call her Jane. (Jane’s a good, strong name. Speaks to her background.)

Now, you totally get that Jane’s probably a good person outside your work environment (yeah, sure), but at work, she’s a total loser. Can’t do her job, whines all the time, and really just gets in the way of progress. You’re there to get a job done, and Jane’s clearly just killing time and collecting a paycheck.

She’s absolutely worthless, and then has the gall to dislike you for being good at your job. Not your fault she sucks and you had to fix her mistakes.

I’ve seen this scenario played out a hundred different ways, and am not immune to it myself. Keep reading >>

Okay, not “already”. 2011 was long as hell and busy.

I resumed going to church fairly regularly. Had my perspective on interpersonal communications majorly shifted. Got married to a great fellow. Got a running partner. Made good progress on my novel. Learned how to incorporate a business. Paid off my student loans (!!!). Lost some weight. Got stronger, more fit, and resumed dancing. Made and held to some good financial plans. Blogged pretty regularly.

Still feel like I only did about half of what I “should have”, of course, but I’m happy with the year, overall. I succeeded at most of what I wanted,

I’m going to finish my last sliver of debt. I’m going to finish not having a long-term financial plan. I’m going to get married. I’m going to finish my novel. I’m going to finish not being happy enough,

and made good headway on what I didn’t finish.

Regardless, 2012 shall be a more adventurous year, featuring new employment, two trips/vacations, and a plethora of writing, coding, financial management, and gettin’ fizzit.

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I’ve had a month to reflect and absorb. Surely I can put words to this wedding business now, right?

First, go watch the video/slideshow. I punched Picasa repeatedly to make that thing happen (Google’s getting feedback on that mess, hmph!), and I like to think it demonstrates the tone of the wedding. A recording of at least the ceremony is forthcoming, but I gotta figure out how to get it from the cool lady who showed up with a camera.

I spent almost a year considering getting married, a few months being really stressed about the planning we weren’t doing “quickly enough”, about three weeks in “whatever, let’s wrap this up” mode, and the final week in increasing panic.

The day after? Still a mess.

On Sunday, after the wedding, every time I thought about the wedding–what we said, the dancing, the people, the dress, the cake–I choked up. No lie.

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