Hmm.

What is it that people see in me that makes them think I am capable of more than I am currently doing?

I feel like I’m being maneuvered and shifted again, and that doors are slowly sliding open to give access to things that I “shouldn’t” have yet. I am ambivalent about the situation… Or something like “ambivalent”. Excited, uncomfortable, nervous, proud, something.

The problem is, I don’t see how people would consider me for bigger things when I am not handling well what I have. Hence the above question. I almost think it’s a matter of itty bitty facets of my life appearing to measure up, while I hide the parts that aren’t. A “keep it together” type of persona. But then I fall apart so easily–how do others not in my inner circle not notice?

On top of that, I’m not comfortable discussing the issue with two folks who would help me figure things out. Sigh.

  • Javid

    Here is a quote I feel pationately about that I feel is very appropriate to me.

    The types of people that appear most stable to the outside world are usually the most unstable where people cannot see”
    -William James (1890 in the pragmatist movement)

  • Doesn’t that work the other way around as well?

  • Michael

    so, Liss, just think of sociology. This seems to be the Peter Principle at work…OR

    You are the fn best! People see how you are doing, but if they still want u to do stuff 4 them, u must be awesome. Do not question your abilites, improve them, analyze them, but do not doubt yourself b/c clearly nobody else is. I know that u can do anything, and most of it almost as well as i, however, i also know u are exhausted. yur gonna have to eventually cut shit out, there must be mirth. i love u

  • Javid

    The essence of the James’ quote is and I honestly believe that anyone that is able to control superflous number of confusing thoughts in their own mind usually is composed enough to not show it. The most complicated personalities often appear to be the simplist ones because if you can control your own mind without losing self control, they you probably are a strong enough person to keep your emotions to yourself.

    (sorry Lissa for the horrible grammer)

  • Hmm.

    But I’m *not* the “fn best”. I go in, I do my job, I go home. This is nothing for accolades. I don’t know. Maybe I just don’t understand how the system works. It must be the Peter Principle (if I’m remembering my sociology correct–the advancement of people in a bureaucracy until they are over-promoted?).

    Javid, my questions to you would be “Do I seem to have a simple personality?” and “Do I seem unemotional or well-contained?”. The second is rather creepily relevant, because I was just talking with Luke the other day about the “essayist” nature of my website. Apparently very little of my playful nature shows here. Ah, well, that’s another blog post entirely, and an idea I need to explore a little more myself.