Feeling singularly unambitious

I’m sitting here struggling with Integration by Substitution, assigned 23 problems, none of which I understand. I’m feeling like I want to cry, and I dislike asking for help from my buddies, because they can’t explain things so that I understand them and I hate wasting their time. I’m seriously considering saying “fuck it” to the five private schools I am awaiting responses from and taking my acceptance to NC State. Wouldn’t that be something? Thirteen years of hard work, these past two of sheer hell, to go to… NC State. Not that it’s not a good school, of course, but people don’t really go through IB to go to NC State. And after I finish this Calculus, I have Statistics, and then an entire chapter to learn for Physics, undeniably my worst subject. Who the fuck said Thank God It’s Friday?