My own little pity party

I missed the show I was supposed to see tonight, a musical by a local high school that contains some friends of mine. The fat fuck in the booth helping about two people an hour just sat there and watched as the people in the line next to mine ordered the last set of tickets while my mother ran to fix her hair after we ran two blocks in the pouring rain. I managed to avoid openly crying in the car on the way to the movie theater to see a movie I didn’t want to see, because it is absolutely absurd to cry about not getting to see your friends that you haven’t seen in over a year do what they love to do most of all things and plan to make a career of. Isn’t it? I mean, there are much more important things to cry about, like the fact that my grades are slipping; that I’m getting bullshit letters from colleges while I wait for my rejections/admissions; that I can count on one hand the number of people that I honestly think don’t despise me secretly; that my self-esteem is at quite the all-time low; that I look towards next school year and see entirely too much uncertainty. That I’m doing nothing to fix these problems. Yes, it’s a fucking pity party. Yes, I’d like some cheese with my whine, thank you. My away message would say “Fuck off. I’m pissed about something” if it wouldn’t offend the little pipsqueak from school that might think it was actually about him. Not that it is. It hardly ever is about you, I assure you. But I don’t expect you to understand that; I only understand on the weekends.

I’ve learned a lot about loyalty this week. How you might know who your friends are, who they aren’t.The libel incidents occuring on Michael’s site have brought up an old flicker of the loyalty I used to be able to feel towards my buddies back in the ninth grade, before it became all about the drama and the gossip and who was stabbing who in the back. Despite the anger it brings, despite the low-class, petty conniving and scheming I am doing in my (not-so) free time, I’m glad I’ve had this opportunity to feel this way again. The last three years haven’t been a total loss.