Ohmygod, where’d it go?

I’ve lost my ass.

Somewhere between the walking and running and rowing and elliptical, it just went away. I didn’t even notice until I was getting dressed in front of a mirror this afternoon (I was showering in a different residence hall, since mine has no hot water). Now I’ve got one of those odd figures–decent boobage, wide hips, no ass. It’s disproportionate. When I told Bridget I didn’t have an ass:

Bridget: Sexy, sexy Lissa.
Lissa: What? No. I don’t have an ass, Bridget.
B: Geez, Lissa. Some girls would kill for that.
L: I’m not “some girls”. Ass is a good thing. I don’t want a ghetto booty. I just want something to balance out the rest of my figure.
B: It’s okay, Lissa. You’re still sexy, sexy.
L: [sigh] But I don’t have an ass

She can’t talk. She has an ass. Her ass is bigger than mine. Grr.

I just want to know where it went and how I can get it back. Or maybe just a better one than the defective one that deserted me.