And this week in chemistry (don’t be scurred)…

Hey Dude,

How’s it going, guy? You have no idea how happy I am about this latest bit of news: I am your Chemistry partner for this whole term! Ha ha! Who would have thought when we were working in that group of four that we were going to later become two groups of two? And that I, because I wanted the damn aisle drawer, would be partnered with you? I am such a lucky girl!

I mean, who wouldn’t want to work with a completely unprepared and mentally slow fuckwad? For rizzle, I just love that slack-jawed look–okay, okay, that even moreso slack-jawed look–that sits on your face in the pre-lab when Dr. M begins to discuss approaches we may want to take. Oh, and is that my lab manual you’re asking to see? And, what lab are we doing? What page is it on? God-damn I’m a lucky chica.

I also just love the way you can’t be bothered to write the measurements for your trials in anything approaching English or legible script. I should “burninate” in hell for not having gotten a jump on my scientific Chinese vocabulary, guy. My fault.

Then there’s that oh-so-endearing way you have of completely fucking up our experiments. Don’t think I didn’t see you fudging those data, son, or suddenly remembering to watch the clock as we reacted that sodium hydrogen carbonate. It’s so cute how you try to be all independent and macho-man and insist on not listening to my suggestions on how to conduct the lab–or the lab manual’s for that matter. I read the damn lab, figured out the measurements we need to take, and an efficient method of staggering the trials so work is equal and we get done fastest with good data. You’re still trying to find the list of step-by-step procedures in our lab manual, which don’t exist. You are so adorable! I just want to kill you with a fork eat you with a spoon.

Speaking of edibility, I would just like to say that that cologne you’re sporting? It brings me so much olfactory pleasure. Is that l’eau de toilette, or l’eau de ciggaweed? It seems to alternate. I suddenly feel inspired to wear dirty workout clothes to lab now in order to spare my normal clothes from exposure. Who would have thought that even I, Mistress of Denim and Cargoes, could dress down for lab?

I just want to finish this with a huge “thank you” for helping me to reinforce my hatred of group-work, which our university so loves to embroil us in. Much like high school group work sessions, I again feel that compelling desire to do all the work to save my grade and run interference between the professor and the group. Because, you know, since I did all the work, who else is really qualified to answer questions like, “What plan are you executing?” or even “What topic are you covering for your research?” Thank you, guy. Now, what was your name again?

Sincerely yours for eight more damn labs,

Edited to reflect the actual material used in the experiment. I’m such an ass.

[Listening to “Smell of Desire” [Enigma / LSD: Love, Sensuality and Devotion]]


  • Jenny

    hey, i know you’ve been working on being nice up there and all (and apparently you’ve been fooling them pretty well), but maybe it’s time for a little kick-ass. i never know how to handle people that don’t have any motivation since i have so much. how do you manipulate them? nothing works… and doing all the work sucks. a lot. but that’s group work – i hate it SO much. so in conclusion, good luck with that… ooh – convince him that he wants to be lab partners with some other ditz, preferably someone hot so he can have a reason… it’s a long shot…

  • Lissa

    I’m the only girl in the class, and I think he’s of the heterosexual persuasion. I swear, just *looking* at this guy makes *me* feel tired and unmotivated, too. Ugh. [|)]

  • Floh

    Thank goodness we rotated partners in my Chem lab. I would have died if I had gotten stuck with the guy that hardly spoke English, the girl that talked endlessly about nothing or the guy who made me do all the work. It also helps that I’m bad at lab as it is…. [8)]

  • Lissa

    Floh–Lucky you. Great googlimoogly. We’ve only done two labs and I want to tear my hair out. And my prof would demand explainations for the uproar changing lab partners (and stations, and drawers, etc.) would cause, which I totally understand, but *damn*…

  • Luke

    Hehe. Sucks to be you. Anyway, just remember it could be worse. You could have me as a lab partner, and I’d end up breaking a test tube over your head, or throwing a beaker into the sink and you (all by accident I assure you). You can ask my lab partner what that was like. *grin*

    Oh, and group work isn’t that bad once you get used to it…and when you get into Sophomore level classes as you know who to avoid by instinct. If possible always try and form a group before class starts…that’s what I do.

  • Lissa

    Gee, thanks.

    Chunk… thank you for making me *not* feel better. You lose. [;)] I’m going to be expecting worse things now, thanks. Did you actually break a test tube over someone’s head, or is that a special case just for me? (And what’d I do *this* time?) And who *was* your lab partner? (Don’t say Dess… [:)])

  • Hannah

    I’m glad we don’t have lab classes freshman year, and that when we do, you get to choose your own lab partner. I think I would die if I had such a shit lab partner. You know that I, too, hate the groupwork aspect of science laboratory classes. [:|]

  • Lissa

    Well, the problem is, I *did* choose lab partners–I just chose the other two guys that are cool, not realizing I was also going to get stuck with the tag-along guy that happened to stand next to me at the lab station…

  • Lissa

    Yes, a bit harsh. But understandable.

    Dulin… is this a test?! I *passed* my damned polyatomic and naming conventions test, thankyouverymuch. And it’s NaHCO3. It’s baking soda. So hmph.

  • Hannah

    No, Melissa, that’s Sodium Hydrogen CARBONATE. Dulin asks for Chlorate. [;)]

  • Lissa

    Ah, dear gawd…

    Just don’t tell my chemistry prof. I wouldn’t want her to take away my 100% on that quiz and make me take it again… and again… and again. I excuse myself by saying that it’s late for me, and I’m running on little sleep and a headache that I can’t shake.

    But we were dealing with NaHCO3, rather than chlorate. Post now edited.

    Now I get it! Dulin was laughing at me because Sodium Hydrogen Chlorate wouldn’t form, would it? Take away that negative one charge on the chlorate to form hydrogen chlorate, and sodium would have no reason to bond… Tee hee, motherfucker. Go laugh at me on your own damn blog. Hmph. (I’m sleepy…)

  • Dulin

    Oh, I know the guy… that bastard is in every lab, just there. He serves no purpose… If he died it wouldn’t make a difference to the world (a bit harsh?)… good luck… oh, by the way, what’s the formula for sodium hydrogen chlorate?

  • Dulin

    Ah… I was kind of curious about why i couldn’t find the chemical a first year class was using in any chemical database in the NCSU library system… why does this matter at 338 on a saturday morning, I don’t know…

  • Dess

    labby, labby, labby…

    man, labs suck. I have only had one lab partner/project group that was any good, and that was for comp.arch. 1. I had monkeyboy, brandiwa, the-little-balding-boy, and bob the lambda chi. Everyone worked. ::sigh:: I miss those days. Since then, yes, I have learned who to avoid, as monkeyboy said, and I’ve done ok.
    Seriously, though, chem is just a horrible class, I had one of those lab partners that did everything because i sucked at chem, and I felt bad, but what’re you gonna do? y’know?
    Anyway, nuff rambling.