Cutting back.

14:00 today will mark the twentieth hour I have spent on one of my research projects this week.

Twenty hours. I’m being paid for four, and I have time for eight if they are on Saturdays. This does not equal twelve hours during the week plus nine or eleven more on Saturday. Particularly when I have three exams I’m not ready for (plus one I am) next week.

I cannot do this.

Dr. M is looking into hiring someone to help me, and I shall soon be working exclusively on Saturdays. She now knows she’s not going to be able to drag me off campus for the undergrad conference next month. She now knows that I am fatigued and panicky and uncomfortable because goddamn it, I signed up for this and I should be able to do this but I so very, very much do not want to fail two of my math courses, and I am very much riding the line already.

We aren’t talking, “Oh, whaa, Lissa’s going to get a B.” We’re talking, “Lissa’s going to be repeating two math courses.” My homework average for DISCO is about 40% (and that is about my level of understanding, as well). My self-calculated homework average (based on understanding and what I’ve been able to work–he doesn’t collect work) for probability is about 35%.

These are not good numbers.