I’m so tired of so many things right now. I know how to make things better: journal, exercise, meditate, be emotional. This will make everything from eating to exercising to living to getting things done easier, making for a happy emotional loop, generally speaking.
Some things are out of control. I’m looking for the reset button, the thing to help me fully think through my thought processes and emotions. I feel stuck in so many ways, fighting with a life that needs change and a body that isn’t going along willingly.
So I’m stopping. I’m doing a short fast (water/fruit juice) today and tomorrow, followed by a vegetarian diet for several days. I’ve got one leg on the shore and one in the vegetarian boat right now. Vegetarianism worked well for me in the past, forcing some creativity and more balanced nutrition in my diet. I don’t know if it’ll work now or in the future, but it’s worth a try.
The problem is, of course, my live-in SO, WO. He doesn’t mind going meatless for a day or two, but wants “good” meat (red meat, largish portions of chicken, whatever) at least a few times a week. Whatever happens, I think the grocery bill will increase if I take an interest in faux meats or alternative dishes. Of course, the option to shop separately is there, but may be rather impractical at this point. Six months of living/dining as a couple would be hard to change into a more conventional “roommate” style.
Regardless, I think the fast will be particularly interesting. I’m inspired by Renee’s recent fast; I want to take a step back from food and eating and have a chance to distance myself a little. Watch others eat, maybe. Enjoy the smells without immediately needing to dive in and stuff my face. Something… reflective or introspective, I suppose. Right now, midafternoon on day one, I’m just kind of tired and a little hungry, but not much more tired that I’d be anyway on so little sleep. At least my tummy stopped rumbling, which could have been embarrassing in class.
I feel as though (as usual) there isn’t much of anyone around to talk about this stuff with. I’m shying away from posting nitty gritty details of physicality on the Webnet, despite the fact that I read a lot of others’ writing on their life and body struggles. Of course, I’ve distanced myself from this space a decent amount over the last year-ish, I think. Maybe that was a bad move. I’ve toyed with the idea of hosting another blog around here for airing out my laundry in a public forum, with the idea being that public discussion of private life can lead to changes in perspective, but I’m still waffling. Waffle, waffle.
Patience and perseverance are the answers, I suppose. I have to get back into a routine that works for me and stick to it.