Deliberate starvation

I find that I have a lot of trouble mustering the courage to write about weight loss here. I mean, to really write about it, to give numbers and talk about specific failures and how I felt and how much weight loss sucks.

My one goal for 2008 (from March 1, 2008 to March 1, 2009) is and was to lose 35.9 pounds. I’ve lost 14.6 lb since then (for a while I flailed about, very confused as to what to do), which leaves me with… 21.3 lb. In about 21 weeks.

Doable, if I keep on the path I’m going.

I use the Hacker’s Diet Online to track my weight fluctuations daily, and its trend calculations are very informative. I know how many calories I’m taking in per day (give or take about 100), and the weight-tracker tells me my daily deficit. I can adjust that for how many pounds I want to lose within a week and proceed to commit what Hacker’s Diet author John Walker calls “deliberate starvation”.

And my goodness, is it deliberate starvation.

The hardest thing — of everything — are the weekends, most notably the social ones. Well, social events in general. Often, there’s eating out or snacking or even just lingering tasty food smells…

This shit is not about willpower. Willpower doesn’t provide consistent, day-in, day-out weight-loss. It’s about motivation and gumption, and sometimes it’s about being fucking pissed.

I’m pissed that I’m having to “deliberately starve” myself again. I already did this shit. I didn’t gain it all back, but I gained about 57% of it back.

That’s ass. Epic fail.

So I’ll take my lumps now, and wonderful supportive people like Gregory will have to listen to me whine about being hungry and offer me “willpower” or (better yet) remind me of my motivations when I stumble.

It’ll never get easier than it is right now.