Tag Archives: workplace

Other Tip Offs That Our Industry Has Problems

A colleague sent an email to our department yesterday that opened with the line, “Other tip offs that our computers are like women…”

What followed was pretty (and predictably) contemptible; four bullet points of absurd stereotypes, ostensibly humorous, comparing computers to women.

I was… quite upset. I debated how or if to talk to the coworker, and ultimately decided to have the conversation when another colleague was like, “Hey, don’t send stuff like that!”

So we talked. I was still hand-shakingly upset, so I didn’t press the points I should have. Instead, I listened to the “ask anyone who knows me; I’m not a sexist” thing, the “I don’t do sexist things” thing, and the “actions should speak louder than words” thing. They did sincerely apologize for offending me. I did not go into the idea of feeling contemptuous rather than offended. I was pretty much all the things.

Unfortunately, I think what they came away with was, “Melissa is sensitive about these things and I should keep that in mind because I’m an empathetic person.”

I don’t think I did a good job of explaining that this wasn’t about whether they as an individual are sexist or not. It’s about the environment emails like that produce. The fact that I can be sitting at work, and apropos of nothing receive an email full of denigrating stereotypes about a category of people?

That’s a damn problem.

Links On Uncomfortable Realities

A short one this week as I’m struggling to catch up on/skim 1400+ unread items in Feedly.

  • “She Must Have Deserved It”: An Uncomfortable Reality About Abuse, And Reporting It | Ferrett Steinmetz – "And the good news that emerges from this particular bad response is that most people would never hit their partner. When told, “He hit her,” most people run this information through a I-am-the-world filter…" and "[If] you’re a victim of abuse, you need to be very careful as to who you date. Children of abusing parents are fifteen times – fifteen times! – as likely to wind up married to an abuser as so-called “normal” people, which means that your abuser broke some vital instincts within you."
  • You can say no if you change your mind – Maybe this is more freeing than uncomfortable. It was an uncomfortable realization for me, though.
  • Legacy Code Preservation: How Do We Manage This? – I run into similar code and life-work preservation issues at work now. It can be quite frustrating. Common thing to hear: "No, no, no, I'm not attached to that code. It's just code. …But really, it doesn't matter very much that it doesn't meet all the new standards or is hard to work with: the damned thing works perfectly, without a hitch. Never needs maintenance."

New Gig: March 19th

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With my contract at Big Corp coming to a natural close (they’re shutting down the site completely), I hopped back into the job market back in mid-February and landed myself a sweet position at Mid-Corp.

I start on Monday!

There are a lot of things I’ll miss about working downtown: it’s a thriving area, full of people and energy. I also liked taking the bus, despite the occasional shenanigans. Needing a tank of gas once a month or so ain’t bad, either.

Continue reading New Gig: March 19th →

Inherent Worth and Dignity

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I’ve been struggling for a while to quantify something I’m taking issue with lately, and I finally think I hit the nail on the head.

Imagine, if you will, that you work with someone in a standard American corporate environment. Let’s call her Jane. (Jane’s a good, strong name. Speaks to her background.)

Now, you totally get that Jane’s probably a good person outside your work environment (yeah, sure), but at work, she’s a total loser. Can’t do her job, whines all the time, and really just gets in the way of progress. You’re there to get a job done, and Jane’s clearly just killing time and collecting a paycheck.

She’s absolutely worthless, and then has the gall to dislike you for being good at your job. Not your fault she sucks and you had to fix her mistakes.

I’ve seen this scenario played out a hundred different ways, and am not immune to it myself. Continue reading Inherent Worth and Dignity →

Compassion in the Workplace

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I’m dealing with some really shitty stuff right now. Can’t talk about it, but my week has been–despite some beautiful bright spots–pretty fucking lousy.

‘Sokay. We’re dealing.

In struggling to remain open to my own emotions and those of people around me, I found myself indirectly barraged this morning. Breakfast with my coworkers led to one of them going into this diatribe about another colleague that wasn’t there.

It wasn’t the usual, “Oh, guess what so-and-so said in a meeting?” It was a harsh, personal attack, full of diagnoses of immaturity/stupidity/ignorance, analyses of personal business that wasn’t for us to know, and a one-upping on pain. A “my pain’s worse than her pain” type of thing.

I tried to gently explain that we can’t know what this woman has suffered in the past, that she’s making her own choices, and that her pain is very real and valid, undiminished by comparisons. My coworker was having none of it, and went on to speak on how if someone puts their “stupidity” out there, they get to be judged on it, and how she has “no compassion” for stupidity.

I tried to listen and hear her frustration at having her advice ignored, and I appreciated one of our other coworkers trying to soften and reframe the discussion, but my alternative to rupturing at the seams was to stare out the window and let the words pass over me until the conversation transitioned.

I have a hard time keeping an open ear (or heart!) to her. Part of me says, garbage in, garbage out: the more of her vitriol I hear, the more likely I am to spew that myself. The rest of me says that she has a need to be (truly) heard, and I’m available to do it.

I’m not sure which part (if either) will win.