Irrsinn.net: taking joy in human unreason

Lissa Leg Lovin’ 101, Quiz 1; 70%

Conversation with Mae:

Mae: –like a gazelle. I’m so jealous of your legs, Liss.
Me: What? They’re fat. And butch.
Mae: That’s because you have muscle.
Me: Hm. Well.

She’s right. I’m fully aware of the benefits of the strength of my legs; I threw around a lot of weight today moving Mae into her new room with absolutely no problem because I know how to use my legs to carry the bulk of added weight.

This doesn’t make my legs nice, though. This makes them functional. I’m vain enough to be moderately concerned with physical appearance, and I know mine is lacking. My legs are scarred by both the heinous case of chickenpox I had when I was five and the weight I used to carry.

So I give myself a 70% on this quiz.

My next dilemma is one I’m still working on: I’m not eating enough. Mae remarked on my thinness as I was on my way to run today. The stress and schedule of the last three weeks has caused me to lose inches off my waist, that, quite frankly, I don’t have. Hollows are showing in bones I didn’t know I had. Bleh.

I eat a full breakfast, because that’s routine. The first two weeks of school, I had class and lab straight through lunch, and ate dinner around 21:00 when I finally sat down to do homework. This past week, I’ve usually gone down to get lunch, but don’t find much I want, and usually pick through a salad and have a little granola.

I didn’t even realize what I was doing until I connected my constant hunger [which I’d noticed, because it’s a distraction from work] with a lunch I had with Lukzor this past Thursday–a small bowl of mashed potatoes and a handful of granola, compared to his tray full of food. Now, I’m not trying to match Luke caloric or volumetric intake, because I’ve gotten used to eating lightly compared to my diet during high school, but this is not sufficient.

So I’m working on it. Nikolai is helping with good-natured nagging, and Mae and I are tag-teaming to get each other to eat at least two meals a day, methinks. She ate less than I did last week, and lost an even more obvious amount.

But it’s hard. All I’m doing is working; I don’t think there are mental/control issues coming to the fore, for once. But I have a shit-ton of work to do right now; I resent even the thirty minutes it takes to get dinner at the on-campus Subway, because all I can easily do in the line while waiting is read, and that’s only occasionally useful in such a math-heavy schedule as mine. I don’t feel comfortable eating/snacking in class; I remember my annoyance with people constantly doing that in high school, and find it rude. So I’m still looking for solutions.

Oh, and I ran 4 miles in 44:40 today on the treadmill. Metallica’s “Orion” kept me company.