Tags: Uncategorized, d/s, Growing into myself, sadomasochism, sex
I just finished watching Secretary, a movie starring James Spader (of Stargate and Boston Legal fame) and Maggie Gyllenhaal (of Dark Knight fame). The movie is incredibly awkward — I spent a good bit of the movie curled up in a seat, eyes partially covered. It’s full of very broken people who don’t know how to deal with themselves or other people. It’s also about the two main characters’ sadomasochistic, D/S relationship, which is why I was watching it. Well, first because it was James Spader, and second because it featured D/S.
I’ve always been fascinated by D/S relationships; it’s a power play/exchange/relationship that I’ve always wanted to partake in, ever since I first read Elf Sternberg’s Journal Entries eight-ish years ago (wow, that makes me feel my age a bit). I always imagined I would make a good submissive.
I’ve found, however, that I might be too self-contained to truly be able to take part in a D/S relationship. From either end. I have too much sense of self to become a extension of someone else, and too much (or maybe too little) to allow someone else to append themselves to my will.
Not to mention the fact that I very rarely ever truly relax and let go.
I’ve never been sure if the fact that it doesn’t come easily means I have to work harder at it, or if I should just leave it to the naturals. Is it a skill that one can acquire, like any other? If I become good at submitting (or dominating), even in that particular context… what would that mean for me the rest of the time? I don’t think I could segment it from “the rest of me”, make it something so distinct that it wouldn’t show in some way at other times.
Then again, maybe that would be part of the fun, too.