A Weird Situation

I’m in one, and I don’t know quite how to gracefully get out of it. Some background information:

I hang out with two roommates that live down the hall. Hanging out generally occurs in small doses, because things can quickly become racially charged between us–that ol’ You Ain’t Black Enough bit that I get so tired of. But we can joke around lightheartedly for the most part, and we’ll often pitch in for dinner on a Saturday night or something. Now, these girls have a male friend that lives in a nearby dorm–we’re going to call him… Nikolai. Not a terribly interesting character, but important to the plot. (Major kudos to anyone who correctly guesses what that name is a reference to.) Now, Nikolai is a nice guy, fairly smart, he’s a Software Engineering major that’s studying Japanese and, is as kooky in his own way as such a major might suggest. But not necessarily in a good way. He’s taken lately to sleeping in the girls’ room down the hall–the RA has, obviously, not caught on to this yet, or he would probably be given the boot. So anyway, Nikolai has also taken an interest in me. He thinks I’m “sweet”. I don’t know who the hell he thinks he’s talking about, but apparently it ain’t me. In the interest of meeting new people and the like, I’m like, well, feel free to drop by my room and hang out if you’re ever on my end of the building, and we can talk shop or tell truncated, highly-edited, light-hearted life stories or whatever. I don’t care.

I didn’t expect him to stop by, cuz, well, no one really stops by to see me, with the exception of some of Bridgy’s friends. But one day, while I was researching my little link-blog on Chomsky, et. al, he comes in. And then he sits on my lap, hindering typing and mouse-using abilities by just fucking blocking access to the computer, and, while I can operate Mozilla with one hand using the keyboard only, it goes much slower. And then he starts in on my physique, telling me I shouldn’t lose any more weight, that I’m perfect the way I am, etc., etc. And then he starts trying to tickle me, at which point I’m like, “For rizzle, guy, stop.” Attempts on my part to turn the conversation to something other than me fail miserably, and I am left feeling ridiculously embarrassed and just wanting him to leave. (This accounts for any confusing incoherence that may have been in that post, by the way, as well as the general lack of personal commentary on the people.) Finally, I posted the entry, pleaded homework, and he got out. I felt like scrubbing down with a Brillo pad after he left. It’s not that he’s a smarmy guy or anything, it’s just he’s… I don’t know. Too physical. Some touchy-feeliness with friends I can handle–people sit in my lap, give me hugs, whatever, but…

Now, I had absolutely no retorts to his compliments about my physique, so I just sort of pretended I hadn’t heard what he said and tried to move the conversation forward, which I know is rude and unlike my usual blunt self, but what’s a girl to do? So I later asked Bridgy how she responds to those types of comments. She said she plays up the fact that she’s blonde. Her reply was a hilarious, “I just sort of go, ‘Huh? [Twirls hair in very blond-esque manner] I don’t understand. But don’t say that again, okay?'” that left me in stitches (she’s starting to learn what can make me laugh, and can now keep me laughing for hours on end). Obviously, this isn’t something I would be terribly successful at implementing, lacking the blonde hair, and the acting skills to pull of a ditzy manner when I damn well heard what someone said. But I doubt Nikolai actually got the idea of me avoiding the issue, and yet, he didn’t make a definite, point-blank overture of anything (I rack all the above up to a sort of touchy-feely friendliness–this is me after all; the problem is not so much his actions [or even his purposes behind them] as my weirded out response to them) so there’s nothing to really say no to, other than the tickling. And that was just weird. Tickling threats are currently reserved for Thorn staff, sorry guy. There’s no chance of it being sexual with them, you know? Safety, safety.

The whole situation left me feeling weird and classifying the situation as weird and just wanting to crawl out of my skin. I don’t even want to stop at the girls’ room down the hall, because he’s always there, and he’s always making seemingly innocuous comments that weird me out. I can’t even talk to the girls about it, because they love him to death, although they wish he would sleep in his own room every once in a while. He’s just a really clingy person. So I guess I don’t really need to get out of a funky situation so much as change my response to weird events. I don’t even know where to start.

[Listening to “Push the Limits” [Enigma / LSD: Love, Sensuality and Devotion]]


  • Hannah

    Um…dude sounds weird. Really. I dunno, that’s about all I have to say. And if someone told me to quit losing weight, I’d probably have to give them a big mental “hey fuck you” and then say something constrainedly polite to the point of alienation like “well thank you…how kind you are. Really.” Inside I’d be all motherfucker motherfucker motherfucker. But the thing is, we’re supposed to be all accepting if people say we look good the way we are. And speaking of weightloss, I’m going to need somma that over break.

  • Floh

    Undesired Attention

    Hmmm… The “I’m sorry, I really like you, but I’m just not romantically interested in you” tends to work. Most people will get the point, and if they’re mature enough, it won’t be awkward. Note the “if”. But yeah, it’s blunt, but I’ve found that it works. Good luck! 🙂

  • Lissa

    Hannah–Hear, hear! on the weight loss over break thing. Mom has promised to hide her candy stash when I get home, because as the stress levels go up (read: the more I’m around Ali), the will weakens, and I *will* consume more than I feel I should when I’m being rational. [;)] And hear, hear again on responses to Nikolai’s “stop losing weight” remarks. I felt a little bad for not taking that in the spirit it was probably given, but it was also slightly offensive. I mean, first and foremost, it’s my damn body. Secondly, it’s not like I have any desire to become a 130 pound stick figure (I would look like some sort of nasty skeletal *horse* at that low a weight with my big-boned muscular build)–give me some credit for understanding my body type and musculature and making responsible goals, you know? But he probably *did* just mean it as a compliment, so I didn’t jump his case about it at the time, but he was still a bit… insistent, and that irked.

  • Lissa

    Re: Undesired Attention

    Floh–bluntness by no means bothers me ([:)]), but I also can’t really reject what wasn’t… given or offered, you know? He didn’t ask me on a date, or try to jump my bones (at which point there would have been much physical violence), or anything *overt*. So to tell him that I’m not interested in him romantically would just sound hella arrogant. Although it would be funny to watch that conversation unfold if I weren’t the one *in it*. [|D] Thanks for the good luck wishes. Things will probably work out well, if I just cool out a bit and don’t do anything drastic. [;)]

  • Rackrent

    Hmmm, I don’t know what to say. Nobody has sat in my lap before (maybe with the exception of jenny) probably b/c they all think that they might crush my thighs. But yeah, what you said was right. I guess just wait and see, probably there’s no “romantic interest” behind the touchy-feeliness. Maybe he’s just a natural touchy-feely-kinda-flirty guy.[|)]

  • Jenny

    well, honey, i’m sure you know what i’m going to say: your lap is reserved for ME dammit.[:D] aside from that, if he tries anything funny again, suddenly stop laughing, look him straight in the eyes, and say, deadpan, “try that again and i’ll rip your balls off”. then smile sweetly and go back about your business. if you feel you’ve frightened him a little too much, laugh hysterically afterwards. after all, you were only joking with him, right… right??

  • Hannah

    Do we take the advice from scary Jenny, or be sane…take scary advice, be sane…take scary advice, be sane…?

  • Lissa

    Damned good question, Hannah. I kind of like her advice, now that I’ve read it a couple of times. It would scare the shit out of him, and would be ridiculously funny, too. Hmm…

  • Dess

    no chance

    Lissa said: Tickling threats are currently reserved for Thorn staff, sorry guy. There’s no chance of it being sexual with them, you know? Safety, safety.

    Now, that’s just sad. Where does that leave MY conundrum? lmao

  • Lissa

    there is too a chance!

    Dess–Well, I meant there was no chance of them being sexual with *me*. You, on the other hand… I’m still trying to work out a way for me to successfully intervene in your situation… [;)] (Warning: now is the time to run away screaming and disavow having told me anything…)