… all steeled for a grilling and series of questions and inquisitiveness.
I felt bad for disappointing Rackrent by not probing.
Hannah, Rackrent and I did Indian food for dinner, and I spent most of the ride to pick up Rackrent trying to jar myself out of my introspective mood. This included blasting Justin Timberlake and driving fast.
About halfway to her house, I realized this simply wasn’t going to work, so I put on Tool, which I’d been listening to all day.
I can’t do my recent level of questioning in a group setting. If I focus on one person, my attention is broken by the other chiming in or fidgeting, or I feel as though I’m neglecting to include them. I also tend not to reveal too much in a group setting, because it’s so difficult to get a quick bead on everyone’s reactions and responses. There’s just too much going on.
Then there’s the matter of comfort levels. There were some pointed non-disclosures last night that made me hold back on asking more. Things I knew about one that the other didn’t know that were specifically not mentioned when probed by the unknowing person. There’s no way I can comfortably ask details when I know there may be trust issues that cannot be quickly resolved. Things will either get awkward (and I’ll seem [and be] boorish) or I’ll get bullshit, which will piss me off.
The group thing just doesn’t work.
And then there’s the awkwardness of people expecting me to grill them. This produces different reactions than if they were just thoughtful about what they said. Rackrent was ready, and that was weird and tense. It’s not like I have a damn list of questions. I’m naturally curious about a lot of things, and when something comes up that piques my interest, I ask about it.
So no one got the pointy end of my Curious Stick yesterday, and both Hannah and Rackrent were disappointed. In some ways, so was I. But I had fun hanging out anyway. Particularly since it will most likely be another damn year before I see these folks again.