It is disturbing to me how much my weight can fluctuate within a week or two’s span. I put on my shorts to go for a run today, looked down at my legs, and decided I would be running outside instead of in the SRC.
I cannot find a balance between intake and output, and I suspect I’m nearing a weight equilibrium such that my weight can head upwards as easily as it drops. This doesn’t make things easier, because I know absolutely nothing about maintaining weight. Losing, yes. Gaining, yes. Balance, no. Something for research, I suppose.
It’s just very, very frustrating to be swinging on this pendulum right now. I have so many other things I need to be working on–why can’t this be just as easy as it has been for the past year? Eat for fuel, run, work. Such is life.
Most likely it still is that easy, but I’m just missing the bulletin on how much to do each part, and the old equilibrium is no longer the right one.
Or I’m kidding myself into thinking I am maintaining the old equilibrium. I do need to run more. In the past five days, I have only gotten in three thirty-minute runs, as opposed to my prefered three or four hour-long runs.
I do need to eat less. Or even just better. And, barring a taste for good and healthy things, I should just eat less of the bad things. And I have absolutely no taste for anything “good” right now. I want sugar and caffeine and things that will stick with me during my incessant all-nighters because nibbling is annoying and messy and slows work.
But heavy eating still bothers my stomach. Grease still bothers my stomach, although how my stomach hasn’t adapted after the shit I’ve been eating recently, I don’t know.
Sigh. I’m just frustrated. So I’m back on a “decent breakfast, granola lunch, granola dinner” diet (all I have a taste for) until I figure out what exactly what I need to do to make this simple and doable again. One of these days, my body isn’t going to bounce back…