Funny, that’s a little simplified if my Gender Issues reading was any kind of accurate…
“The menopausal male”.
Completely unrelated to the above, I am finding myself very close to a shutdown point. I do not want to be where I am doing what I’m doing. I have absolutely no idea where I’d rather be, but I am feeling distinctly… unhappy, borderline miserable, and that’s an odd feeling for me.
Except for, you know, this school year.
But today’s only Monday. My aunt, the wife of my uncle who died six weeks ago today of cancer, was found dead yesterday. I have two tests tomorrow. I have a milestone due to for a project on Wednesday. My physical health has deteriorated to the point that I am no longer running and am scared to try. I am violently swinging between mania and near-aphasia. My stomach, when it is not revolting against anything and everything I eat, no matter how bland, feels permanantly clenched in panic. This… pressure builds behind my eyes and squeezes until I nap or step outside in the frosty weather to cool down. Worse than sleeping through class (which I am still doing), I am also simply tuning out.
What’s gone wrong? My weekends are not supposed to be stressful. They are my chance to get a good night’s sleep to recover from the events of the past week. This past weekend jolted my psyche more than it soothed it.
If my upcoming four-day weekend is not sufficient for me to recover my aplomb and some of my zeal, I’m going to be taking a break from some things. Like the newspaper. Like NSBE and its social drama. Like one or two of my jobs.
The alternative to not taking a break is not looking pretty right now.
I was told last night, “What the hell good are you to anyone if you can’t balance work and fun? I sure as hell would fire your ass if you couldn’t do both.”
I think it’s a valid point. I’ve lost my balance.