Anyway, while I hesitate to comment on this, I’m driven by a shared experience, short-lived though it was. I believe that having my first real relationship changed me profoundly. But only on the outside, really. Everything that people noticed as being changed was always inside me, just hidden. I started to really trust people more. That trust may have been misplaced, but I believe it was for the better. I’m much closer to my friends now than I ever was. Relationships are rocky, happy, sad, and can very profoundly affect a person. If only in the way they see the world.
Didn’t know I had a blog? LOL – I lose. I’ve been found.
Imani, you have a very good point about your relationship experiences – there’s always the issue with these kinds of observations (above and beyond the question of correctness) of whether one’s seeing something new that’s being created or something old that’s being forcibly surfaced.
My first amorous relationship also changed me in many ways. Some of those changes were constructive, some were not.
On the one hand, I now feel that I have a good understanding of why it’s not appropriate for me to pursue amorous relationships with other people; before, I had received that impression from my experiences, but I didn’t see a reason for it and so it wasn’t really an integrated part of my life, just a weird bit sticking out that I didn’t really trust.
On the other hand, it’s depressing to have yet another confirmed gap between myself and the rest of the world. This was worse a few months ago when I felt that most of my other relationships (friends, archnem, etc.) were crumbling; now that I see hope for certain kinds of closeness to at least some friends and enemies (though not to others), it doesn’t bother me so much.
2 Comments
Imani
I didn’t know she had a blog.
Anyway, while I hesitate to comment on this, I’m driven by a shared experience, short-lived though it was. I believe that having my first real relationship changed me profoundly. But only on the outside, really. Everything that people noticed as being changed was always inside me, just hidden. I started to really trust people more. That trust may have been misplaced, but I believe it was for the better. I’m much closer to my friends now than I ever was. Relationships are rocky, happy, sad, and can very profoundly affect a person. If only in the way they see the world.
Arka
Didn’t know I had a blog? LOL – I lose. I’ve been found.
Imani, you have a very good point about your relationship experiences – there’s always the issue with these kinds of observations (above and beyond the question of correctness) of whether one’s seeing something new that’s being created or something old that’s being forcibly surfaced.
My first amorous relationship also changed me in many ways. Some of those changes were constructive, some were not.
On the one hand, I now feel that I have a good understanding of why it’s not appropriate for me to pursue amorous relationships with other people; before, I had received that impression from my experiences, but I didn’t see a reason for it and so it wasn’t really an integrated part of my life, just a weird bit sticking out that I didn’t really trust.
On the other hand, it’s depressing to have yet another confirmed gap between myself and the rest of the world. This was worse a few months ago when I felt that most of my other relationships (friends, archnem, etc.) were crumbling; now that I see hope for certain kinds of closeness to at least some friends and enemies (though not to others), it doesn’t bother me so much.