On Life and Love

Your resident nerdy girl

Saturday night, Dre (Andrea) hosted up a nice sex toy company-sponsored party that I attended. Hilariously enough, I think I was the most knowledgeable there, although it was my first time seeing certain kinds of vibrators in person (ones with rotating beads and swiveling heads). I disapproved of some of the products being sold–muscle relaxants, vaginal tighteners, and desensitizers–but out of safety concerns. The rest of the stuff was pretty cool.

Anyway, the party was a blast; Dre seemed worried at the small turnout, but I thought it was great, and her sister was a trip. There was that moment, though… that moment where someone was telling a story or expressing disbelief or seemed confused and I chirped up with what little I knew on the topic, where I was put in the Box. The Nerdy Girl Box. Where I’m suddenly “smart” and other people feel dumb in my presence. Where people feel the need to apologize for liking things they think I think are dumb, like music that doesn’t say much, but has a good beat. Where I’m suddenly not-human and incapable of having fun like other people do. Where people–even relative strangers–seem to feel a need to talk more “proper” in my presence.

*thuds head into wall repeatedly*

This is something I’ve fought for years, especially with cousins and often with other buddies. There are some groups with which it’s not much of a problem at all: these are usually people that know me really well. It happens most often, I think, when I’m with people who suspect I’m not a part of their culture, because I don’t quite fit in, no matter how much I believe I span multiple cultures.

If I’m not completely in or immersed in one culture, am I in it at all?

Regardless, I drank a little with Dre and S. later in the evening and learned that I’ve been drinking swill by ingesting Smirnoff. I didn’t think the word “smooth” could be applied to vodka, but the Belvedire I had last night proved me wrong. Decent stuff, as far as booze goes.


  • Michael

    yeah…about that, I think this happens a lot. and i hadn’t really looked into when and why, but i thyink you’re right. the whole, group who doesn’t nec feel like you belong. the same thing happens to me if i mention something about computers, or if like, (in housing land) i mention some fact or drop some name, suddenly i’m this hypercritical debbie downer, and i’m just like, damnit, lemme just leave then. Oh well, I’d heard about those parties, they sound interesting, but I wander how you keep people from crawling in their shells.

  • Lissa

    Yeah, I feel ya, Michael. I mean, everyone was real polite about it last night; it was almost awe and super-respect, but it still put me in a box. Too often, the response is negative, like you mentioned. Except that when I saw your comment, I thought “debbie downer” was refering to something else. *blush*

    Anywho, I was pleasantly surprised at the attitudes of the folks at the party. I think there was some “Ew, anal!” kind of stuff said, but nothing really judgemental. Overall, most of us were very curious, which was just fun as hell. I’m discovering that I’m a little odd for considering almost everything but the roughest stuff to be pretty normal/vanilla. It can be a conversation killer at times… Oops. 😛 That’s what I get for reading The Journal Entries during my formative years, probably.

  • Nathan

    I’m entirely with you… the less those around you know you the worse it is. If they don’t know you at all one comes across as being an arrogant prick, at least… not to mention the box and label that will prevent any further growth of a relationship.

    I’m with Michael about the world of computers… I’m to the point where I don’t let anybody know that I know anything about them because it simply isn’t worth the resulting headaches. Worst about that: you, Michael, and I know enough about computers to get around comfortably, but try and explain anything to somebody and it is easy to come across condescending… we’re ascribed a position which, if we didn’t have, our actions wouldn’t immediately reflect as negatively upon us. For example, refusing to help somebody with their computer problems because they look at too much porn (no chance for a computer illiterate person to protect their computer from that). I for one know this exact scenario to be at least a contributing factor as to why I am no longer dating the last girl I dated.

    Cultures: the one you belong to most in my opinion is “educated,” which encompasses genders, races, lifestyles… everything. Look at the group of people you hung out with at Harding: spanned race, gender, lifestyle, and then some. Interestingly, notsomuch class.

    I don’t know, at this point I have lost all point I was trying to make, I’m done. Derive what you will. *grin*

  • Lissa

    Nathan: Interestingly, I think my culture’s shifted some since my high school days. I’d argue that your idea of an “educated” culture easily spans races. It is in “educated” culture that I’ve found the most casual, (socially) cruel, and dangerous racism, which repels me. Or xenophobia, if you will, with a particular focus on race.

    Then again, Rose-Hulman is about… oh, 2% black (which means less than 40, in all), with even fewer Asian or Indian students. The words “blend” and “integrate” mean something very special and unpleasant here to me, ever increasingly the longer I stay.

    Since coming to college, I think I’ve become much more integrated with the culture of my family, which I largely rejected (violently) in high school. My cultural identity (mixed though it is), has swung like a pendulum since my childhood, and I’m finally at a point when the rocking is less violent and rarely at the exclusion of other options.

    It’s great. “Educated” people sneer when I act “black” or “lower-class”, and everyone else sneers when I act “educated”. 😛

  • Brandon

    I’m no expert on vodka, but Smirnoff (I’ve only had it once, and it was long ago) is pretty well respected for its price. Belvedere is outrageously expensive, so I’d hope it’s good. I do know that you can get about as good as that for way cheaper, especially if you’re mixing it. My personal go to is Fris, because it’s not very expensive and doesn’t taste like gasoline. If I’m looking to spend money on liquor, though, I go with either a bourbon or Irish whiskey.

  • Lissa

    Thanks for the head’s up, Brandon. They mentioned Belvedire was pretty expensive, but I wasn’t sure how expensive, exactly.

    And “gasoline” is a perfect description of that burning vodka aftertaste, I think. 😀

  • Guy

    What did they sell as muscle relaxants? Nitrates are the only things I’ve ever heard of for sex use. Soma is groovy though, but dems for my back man. Anyone would fall asleep trying to screw on them.

  • Lissa

    Benzocaine is used in their product to ease the pain of anal, evidently (I had thought it a muscle relaxant).

    I couldn’t find any information on what the drug is in the muscle relaxants for “Great Head“. I think it’s dirty not to list the drugs in something like that if you’re selling it on the Internets.

  • Guy

    If it’s not scheduled/declared I doubt it’s much of a muscle relaxant. More than likely some local numbing solution, like the kind they put in cough drops.