It’s official

This morning I did two life-altering things:

  1. I paid my security deposit for this sexy little apartment. I have a home (albeit a little later than I’d hoped — June 2)!
  2. I received an offer from CMS to teach at Harding, contingent on the Human Resources guy finding my second reference in the huge pile of papers on his desk.

I’ve barely been able to do work today. Yay!

This Week’s bookmarks

Shared bookmarks for user

  • 15 Ways to Create More Cash
    I like these sorts of guides, particularly when I’m looking at entering a mumble-something-k a year position. Tagged as: [money]
  • Why Budget?
    I’ve always failed at budgeting, and it shows. This website offers a good guide to getting down into the nitty gritty with your money. Or my money. Whoever’s. Tagged as: [money]
  • Big Fat Deal » Anatomy of a Tagline
    Just call me "fluffy". (See the post and following comments.) Tagged as: [humor weight-issues Polish]
  • // Health & Fitness Blog: Sugar Shock!
    I’ve experienced some of what Renee has with foods like bread, simple sugars, etc. I’m thinking I might want to pick up this book she reviews, despite its radical stance. Tagged as: [health food]

How did I do it?

Somewhere in high school, I did something that made people like me. Now, when I’m in need of help getting where I want to be, there are a lot of people stepping up to help me. Michael’s coming for Commencement (!!!) and to help me move. Nathan visited an apartment complex on my behalf (and toured it!) today. Lisa’s offered to let me stay with her, if I want to hold off on getting an apartment. She already pulled some strings to get me the interview for the Harding position.

I guess… I feel humbled, I suppose.

I feel as though I’ve lost a lot of what made me admirable (if I was) in high school. I have so much trouble making sacrifices for things I want these days. That’s a common trait among people here at Rose; a lot of people feel they’re “talented” and that things should come easily. If it doesn’t, then it’s probably not worth doing, because it’s clearly not in their area of interest.

I’ve picked up more of that than I’d like, despite my resistance to it. I’m still not one to ride on “talent”, but I do feel like I lack a lot of my old motivation/passion/idunno… my go-get-em. Maybe it’s that I feel like the standards are so low here for success, and I’m blah-blah on meeting those. I still go-get-em when I want ’em, but it feels like I don’t quite have the energy I used to.

The best term I can come with for it is “joie de vive”. Zest. Drive. Passion. My Charlotte people generally have it, my Rose people generally don’t (with a notable exception), though I love ’em to death. I feel like I’m moving (if not forward, then someplace else) very quickly and (with that same notable exception), the people around me are content to be cool to move along at a more peaceful pace. That’s cool, but that’s not where I want to be.

Part of the reason that I want to move back to Charlotte is to get myself into an environment where I can regain that. I let Rose become a big part of me, and I’m ready to move past it.

Until then, I guess I don’t feel worthy of my Charlotte people’s love, like I’ve “unproven” myself during the last three years through slovenly/slacker behavior. I probably never was worthy and will likely never be, but right now — when all of these elements are coming together to help me — it’s particularly apparent to me.

Now, however, I shall dance to the fourth movement of “Eine kleine Nachtmusik” as I fax apartment applications.