Tag Archives: nonviolent communication

Inherent Worth and Dignity

I’ve been struggling for a while to quantify something I’m taking issue with lately, and I finally think I hit the nail on the head.

Imagine, if you will, that you work with someone in a standard American corporate environment. Let’s call her Jane. (Jane’s a good, strong name. Speaks to her background.)

Now, you totally get that Jane’s probably a good person outside your work environment (yeah, sure), but at work, she’s a total loser. Can’t do her job, whines all the time, and really just gets in the way of progress. You’re there to get a job done, and Jane’s clearly just killing time and collecting a paycheck.

She’s absolutely worthless, and then has the gall to dislike you for being good at your job. Not your fault she sucks and you had to fix her mistakes.

I’ve seen this scenario played out a hundred different ways, and am not immune to it myself. Continue reading Inherent Worth and Dignity

Another Year Already?!

Okay, not “already”. 2011 was long as hell and busy.

I resumed going to church fairly regularly. Had my perspective on interpersonal communications majorly shifted. Got married to a great fellow. Got a running partner. Made good progress on my novel. Learned how to incorporate a business. Paid off my student loans (!!!). Lost some weight. Got stronger, more fit, and resumed dancing. Made and held to some good financial plans. Blogged pretty regularly.

Still feel like I only did about half of what I “should have”, of course, but I’m happy with the year, overall. I succeeded at most of what I wanted,

I’m going to finish my last sliver of debt. I’m going to finish not having a long-term financial plan. I’m going to get married. I’m going to finish my novel. I’m going to finish not being happy enough,

and made good headway on what I didn’t finish.

Regardless, 2012 shall be a more adventurous year, featuring new employment, two trips/vacations, and a plethora of writing, coding, financial management, and gettin’ fizzit.

Continue reading Another Year Already?!

Compassion in the Workplace

I’m dealing with some really shitty stuff right now. Can’t talk about it, but my week has been–despite some beautiful bright spots–pretty fucking lousy.

‘Sokay. We’re dealing.

In struggling to remain open to my own emotions and those of people around me, I found myself indirectly barraged this morning. Breakfast with my coworkers led to one of them going into this diatribe about another colleague that wasn’t there.

It wasn’t the usual, “Oh, guess what so-and-so said in a meeting?” It was a harsh, personal attack, full of diagnoses of immaturity/stupidity/ignorance, analyses of personal business that wasn’t for us to know, and a one-upping on pain. A “my pain’s worse than her pain” type of thing.

I tried to gently explain that we can’t know what this woman has suffered in the past, that she’s making her own choices, and that her pain is very real and valid, undiminished by comparisons. My coworker was having none of it, and went on to speak on how if someone puts their “stupidity” out there, they get to be judged on it, and how she has “no compassion” for stupidity.

I tried to listen and hear her frustration at having her advice ignored, and I appreciated one of our other coworkers trying to soften and reframe the discussion, but my alternative to rupturing at the seams was to stare out the window and let the words pass over me until the conversation transitioned.

I have a hard time keeping an open ear (or heart!) to her. Part of me says, garbage in, garbage out: the more of her vitriol I hear, the more likely I am to spew that myself. The rest of me says that she has a need to be (truly) heard, and I’m available to do it.

I’m not sure which part (if either) will win.