Much rambling, little interesting. Quickly composed, quickly posted. Lots of "um"s, per usual.

“Insomnia”. Funny, because it takes me an hour now to go to sleep, now matter how few hours of sleep I’m getting. My potential four hours last night was brutally cut down to three by thoughts that wouldn’t stop going ’round and ’round. See? Not very “ha ha”.

From m-w.com: Pronunciation: ‘le-m&Function: nounInflected Form(s): plural lemmas or lem ma ta /-m&-t&/Etymology: Latin, from Greek lEmma thing taken, assumption, from lambanein to take1 : an auxiliary proposition used in the demonstration of another proposition2 : the argument or theme of a composition prefixed as a title or introduction; also : the heading or theme of a comment or note on a text3 : a glossed word or phrase And here I was thinking my normally straight-laced Differential Equations professor was just trying to be cute or funny or sociable by calling the little theorems we were studying “lemmas”. Or that maybe he meant that they were the solutions to little theoretical…

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me… I can’t believe I’m actually doing an audio post. Even moreso, I can’t believe I wasn’t terribly nervous doing it. I need to learn how to appropriately and smoothly end these things, though. And I need to work on the audio settings, methinks. Lots of background… static, I guess, but that’s most likely just my laptop’s fan whirling, so it could be that nothing can be done.

What is it that people see in me that makes them think I am capable of more than I am currently doing? I feel like I’m being maneuvered and shifted again, and that doors are slowly sliding open to give access to things that I “shouldn’t” have yet. I am ambivalent about the situation… Or something like “ambivalent”. Excited, uncomfortable, nervous, proud, something. The problem is, I don’t see how people would consider me for bigger things when I am not handling well what I have. Hence the above question. I almost think it’s a matter of itty bitty facets of my life appearing to measure up, while I hide…