Hello, Mr. Penis. My name is Lissa. – A random conversation

Bridget and I were getting ready for bed a couple of nights ago, oddly enough, at the same time, and Bridget began to tell me about this “weird” sex advice show on late-night Oxygen. Apparently, some poor guy had called in, expressing surprise at the idea that uncircumsized men (which he was) have to do extra, ah, cleaning. Now Bridget, being a good little Catholic girl, was expressing disgust with the show in general, which is (according to her) presided over by an elderly lady that liked to give odd advice.

My response? “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen an uncircumsized penis. Well, I’ve never seen a penis of any kind in person, not on a computer screen or something, but I don’t get an immediate mental picture of what an uncircumsized penis looks like.”

Bridget, bless her blonde soul, says, “You know, I’ve never met one either–“

“Wait. Never met one? Is that like, ‘Hello, Mr. Penis, my name is Bridget’? Oh, dear. Does that come accompanied with a handshake, or what?” Insert mad giggling. Hey, it was way after my bedtime.

Since then, I have plagued her with “Mr. Penis” jokes on her dry-erase messageboard, which usually remain there long enough without her erasing them for someone to stop by and be like, “Geez, Bridget. I didn’t think you were that kind of girl!” She gives me the evil eye if I even look like I’m going to giggle, because it’s usually about my latest message.

Despite this, Bridget has agreed to room with me, Kitty Cat, and another cool, studious friend of ours in the sophomore residence hall next year. We’re probably four of the most studious/somber (yet oh-so-fun-loving) girls on the floor, so that should work out well.

[Listening to “Holding Back the Years” [Randy Crawford / Naked and True]]


  • Lissa

    Ten times a day?! Who the *hell* has that kind of sex drive?

    Wait a minute… how frequently do you watch this show, Dulin? And how frequently do you tune in to Oxygen? [;)]

  • Dulin

    That shows great… it’s fun to listen to that lady tell guys that 10 times a day is excessive and no they should not be mad that their girlfriends say no…

  • Hannah

    I’ve seen it once and it kind of scarred me for life, not because of the subject matter, but because the old lady hosts it. It’s like listening to your grandmother talk about new sex toys. On the one that I saw, and only briefly, she started putting her “favorite” dildoes on the counter, explaining to women how to masturbate with one, two, then three fingers in order to (and I quote) “accept a penis” and then as the grand finale before I just HAD to change the channel, she started demonstrating how to use these weird sex hammock things. They’re sort of harnesses which enable one to have sex in midair, which is just a bit strange even to me. But, I’d had quite enough of Grandma telling me all I’d ever (or never) wanted to know about sex, especially since this isn’t just a mature woman (like forties or early fifties) she’s like wrinkly and white-haired old. Agh.

  • Rackrent

    I’ve seen a tidbit of that show too, I know, you’re like whao[:o]! But it was also late-night channel surfing. I stayed tuned long enough to see her pull out some aparatus but I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t stay tuned long cuz I didn’t know a bunch of the words she was talking about. You know me, I didn’t know what “masturbation” meant until what? end of my high school career.

  • Michael


    HoeKay, So….
    Upon my arrival @ Chapel Thrill, I had never heard of this woman, nor her show….
    After a mere 3 weeks, I had watched it at least 3 times. I find it to be some of the funniest stuff on the tv! I walked n2 my RA’s romm, and he’s like, “sit a spell and watch this old coot” so i did, i later learned that i had arrived late in the show when she always does reviews of sextoys. but apparently she didn’t use enough time, and took one last call, and this woman was like, “how exactly do i give my boyfriend a b*** j**?” and so the old lady picked up this random dildo and DEMONSTRATED!

    uncircumcised penises must be easy to find online, hold on…I’ll get u 1, nm ryan came home, and i don wan him to get ne ideas….

    but uncircumcised or not, (some/most) young boys still have some “extra” skin (the lucky [prob every1 of them] ones will grow into it). And hopefully, there parents/guardians teach them to clean properly.