Dearest Deer:

You will not have my sympathy…

…when I am falsely called into lab with a few hours’ notice.

…when I am called into lab at 08:00 on a Sunday with only two days notice to clear my schedule. I warned you about this. My schedule is not a flexible one, and I am no longer being paid to do this.

…when I arrive in lab to find you have made no attempts to prepare. Why are you sitting there looking at me like a time portal is opening behind me when your samples are still in the ‘fridge? And did you delibrately look at that clock when I came in? Hell naw.

… when I find you have not made the correct solutions to do the work. That should have been done the day I was falsely called into lab. This stuff doesn’t magically appear at the machine, waiting for you like a dollar from the Tooth Fairy when you run a kinetics experiment.

… when I find you have not attempted to secure access/keys to any of the labs you will need access to. I hope Mae filets you for calling her room at 08:20 if her roommate was still asleep.

…when I’m expected to hold your hand politely, but you can’t be bothered to remember the advice and directions I give. Thinking: it’s a useful tool for many, many people and can help you go far.

What was the sign? Was it the set look on my face when I walked in? Was it the grimace of annoyance when I asked where your samples were and you looked so confused? How about the look when I told you I’d meet you in the graduate building, but had to backtrack when you said you had no keys?

Maybe it was the fact that I didn’t ask you a single question in reply to yours about how I was doing or how I spent my evening. Yup. When The Questioner stops questioning, it’s probably a good idea to watch your back.

Making deer-in-headlights eyes at me with your gorgeous baby blues will only increase the pressure of my size-10 retired Saucony Grid Auras on your face, baby boy. I ain’t lettin’ up ’till I see tears, either.

Bet you didn’t think I could be so cold. It’s no reflection on the situation that I only had three hours of sleep, but it sure as shit isn’t helping you.

I am not your mommy, or if I am, I’m the sternest you’ll ever have. Get a clue, get organized. One more try.

Peace, love, and pineapple upside-down cake,
Lissa

I need to work. And sleep. But I feel better now.