On Life and Love

Got it covered, Cap’n.

The entity that is Bluke Starlein was quoted in a local newspaper article. Yay Bluke!

I was nominated for EIC at the Thorn meeting. I will have a staff of unknowns. I will have to work hella hard to get everyone together and enthusiastic and learning and working productively enough to keep me from needing to clean up behind them so much that I might as well be doing the original work myself. And I haven’t had the business aspects put on me yet.

One thing makes it better, though: our contact at the printing company is a very nice guy. His advice for me on Tuesday was that “If you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will either – and you have to put yourself first – otherwise you just plain get run over sometimes.”

Right on, my guy. Just this one week I’m going to ignore that, though…

I have managed to workout in some fashion or form the past several days in a row, which is good.

I have been an unbelievably bitchy and bad worker at the HelpDesk, though. If not for the fact that my bosses showed me much love today in particular, I’d be concerned, especially since it’s now my one source of income. I need to meditate in the few minutes between class and work to recenter. Otherwise, I am going to turn into another A. D. and get myself fired for being an ass to customers and workers alike.

I also absolutely failed to sell myself at the Career Fair today—to the point where I visited two companies and decided it would be better to leave then rather than leave a bad taste with anyone else. This was augmented by the fact that the first company I visited was one in which the recruiter remembered me from last year and told the woman attending with him to watch for me so they could get my resume again since I couldn’t work with them last year. I’m pretty damn sure I didn’t display the communications skills he so loved again today.

My current schedule has me hitting my downtime around mid-afternoon (which was when I was able to visit the Career Fair), augmented the past couple of days by the fact that I haven’t managed to acquire lunch. But I gotta be “down” sometime, and better to be useful and learning in class and at night when I can work than to try to push for 24 hours of productivity. Cuz getting even those 20 a day has been painful this week. Dr. M as much as told me I looked like death warmed over today (after she had me waiting outside her office for a half-hour for our meeting), and I feel like I need to keep as tight a reign as possible on another friend. More stress, damn him; this is not the week for “Sure, I won’t tell” games.

On a tangentially related note, I’d like to remind those infrequent (?) visitors (C, this is you, sweetie) that the present state of my life shouldn’t be derived by others solely from this blog (or from other friends that I see once every two weeks… *ahem*Mae*ahem*…). C. noted today the highs and lows of my recent posts. I post when I am very optimistic (like now, actually) or just recovered enough from a very low that I can talk about it (strangely, also now, in some ways…). The relatively long times in between are indicative of those lower, unmentionable points or of just plain busyness. Busy != bad. Busy == busy. I may look like shit and be a hideously short-tempered and impatient bitch (Thorn is going to be so difficult this week in that regard…), but if the work’s getting done, who is really going to complain about the measures taken except as a token gesture?

And these tokens don’t even get me free parking or free food or anything except the feeling that someone needs me just enough to make empty noise at what they think may be shady under-the-table dealings so that they keep up a caring enough facade that I don’t quit helping them.

As though I’ve never worked for a callous boss before. As though I must work for warm praise and milk and cookies to be able to work at all. As though I just randomly quit activities because they become unfun (chatter aside). Nope. This week, at least, I work for me and to my satisfaction. Those displeased with my progress are hereby kindly invited to kiss this-here shapely black ass, which can be presented upon request for just such a purpose.

I’ve also officially “wasted” an hour of my evening. I feel normal again.