First ever frat party… eh.

WO and I decided to go to Theta Xi’s Winefest this weekend. Winefest is a bring-your-own sort of celebration, well-timed for the end of the quarter.

The Theta Xis… Well, they’re a special fraternity. They’re probably one of the most diverse/oddball frats on campus, and they’re small in numbers, largely due to an… incident back in the 1970s that took them from hero to zero at Rose-Hulman. WO hangs around a decent number of the guys (as do I now), so it seemed like a not-so-bad idea to check out their famed Winefest shindig. After all, if it wasn’t to our liking, we’d just leave. We certainly weren’t going to drink; I was driving and we were both too tired.

…Things were wild. It felt like half the people smoked, and all but about 5 people were shit-faced drunk. WO and I waited until the basement floor cleared a bit and did some dancing, but that lasted until I got a headache from all the jumping and twirling and head-banging (about three songs). Good fun.

Wandering around after the Dirty Dancing scene we reenacted, WO and I found the party to mostly be a bunch of people drinking, puking, doing shit I don’t care to know about, or waiting in a queue to get into the bathroom. I did however, have the pleasure of meeting one of WO’s ex-lady friends.

Jed was there, courtesy of being a Theta Xi. He wasn’t having much fun and looked about to kill some fuckers for being dumb. WO and I each chased him down and hugged him, then whisked him away from the party for a relaxing time at the downtown coffee joint. Much more fun; I got to learn a few details about Jed’s background that shed selective light on certain demeanors and behaviors.

Regardless of my general disconnect with the party, it was good to see my old roommate, sexy-sexy former-Rose student Mike S., to be hugged by an intoxicated and shameless Tookie (I know he’s got a website around here somewhere… *searches*), and to be felt up by the questionably-homosexual P.

Oh, and I learned that my favorite hobo is/was a Theta Xi. They just don’t associate with him on account of creepiness.

4 thoughts on “First ever frat party… eh.”

  1. Apparently I was 20% of the un-drunk population! Whoo!

    It was cool to see you again; I haven’t in a while. Unfortunately, you missed the fun non-dirty dancing (except when uber-drunk guy tried to “dance” with us until we shunned him and he went to vomit and pass out) before Rounders.

    It was a pretty fun party, but started getting tedious after about 12:30a. I’m glad you got a minimum amount of fun and amusement out of it. 🙂

  2. You really have to watch some of those quote “homosexuals.” There was this time when this girl felt me up. I was like “what are you doing to me woman? I be a married man.” And she’s all like “It’s ok, I’m gay.” And I’m like “oh, ok,” but still feels wierd about it so I walks away from her just so. I’m hanging out, talking to some people friends and she comes back and starts feeling me up again. So I’m like “lady, lady, no, no!” And she’s all like “it’s ok, I’m gay.” So I’m like “right right, ok, but git yer mitts offer me!” and I walk away. A little time later, I hear a sweet, sensuous whisper in my ear: “Oh yeah big boy, you know I want it bad! You gots what I need. I need it yeah, Yeah, YEAHHHH” and I feel a hand sliding down onto me bum and grabbing. “Dagnabbit devil woman, what in sam hill are you doing to me!” I roar. “I be a married man, and I reckon I don’t much care for your grab grabbing.” She says, “It’s ok, I’m gay.” And then I just look her in the eye. She looks back. I stare harder. It’s a battle of the wills. She cracks. She pours into tears “Ok, I’m not gay! I just use that as an excuse to touch the menfolk!” “There there, girl,” I says. I says “You don’t need to pretend you’re gay to touch the menfok.” Really?” she asks so sincerely, so innocently. “Really,” I says, “The menfolk will let you touch them mighty fine not based on your sexual identity, but by the bright light that shines in your heart.” And then magic happened. The poor little girl with tear soaked hair pretending she was gay changed. That there girl there admitted she was straight and her big ole heart became so bright that it was brighter than the sun multiplied by three. And with that bright bright heart, she left me then and there and went to the menfolk. And she says to them, “Menfolk, I ain’t gay, but I gots me a bright, bright heart. Brighter than the sun multiplied by three even.” And those menfolk… those menfolk there let that bright hearted lady touch them. And she touched them, yes she did. She touched menfolk (but not me because I’m married).

    In conclusion, beware those questionable “homosexuals.” They may not be gay. They may be straight. And they may just be after your junk.

    A cautionary tale,
    Bob S.

    P.S. I’m really not drunk right now. I just have a high fever and soar throat preventing me from focusing on actual work. Why did I come in today????

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