Wake the fuck up. This is not high school.

Now, I’m hardly one to play mommy and impose ethics on a situation, but since this blog seems to have become a hotbed for the Roommate Situation, I’ll spew my vitriol here.

What’s happening here, in the comments, is Not Good.

There are better ways to handle this. Mae and I are awaiting comments/action from the administration. We are avoiding the people we know are involved as much as possible. We are locking our doors at night and keeping both eyes open.

Posting hateful messages (yes, Bob, even yours) does nothing but fuel the fire. You are stooping to their level, engaging them in sophomoric games that will only burn everyone involved. Trust me on this.

There are few things more violating than stepping into someone’s personal space and usurping it for spewing hate at them. I’ve been on the receiving end of a torrent of comments pushing hate and impersonating friends and making my life a living hell. I will not be affiliated with such actions done to someone else.

Yes, this is exactly what happened to Mae. But tit for tat is unsophisticated, and in this case, damned childish. I won’t condone that shit, and in the midst of this crisis, Mae does not need to be associated with anyone that could hurt her case by such a lack of restraint.

If it wasn’t clear before, blogs and comments on them are public domain and are being used offline where applicable in this case to bring about the changes that need to be brought about for Mae to feel safe on campus again.

Don’t think that you can’t be identified when you post a comment just because it’s listed as “anonymous”. Should the people involved have IP logging turned on, they’ll see that 137.112.171.*** left a comment, and can resolve this to ****rj.student.rose-hulman.edu. I just did it in 10 seconds. They can do it in 30, max.

A couple of those, and they have a list of names and a feeling of being threatened that will deadlock this situation hideously.

Listen to my suggestions if you want, continue having fun with this if you want, but think about the impact these comments will have on the person you’re trying to help.

Uncanny. I’m almost proud of myself.

The thing that always did me in during 11th grade was my distractibility. I had x amount of work do in y number of hours, but damn this and that website was fascinating, and maybe I should check this one again, and, and…

Damn, it’s already 04:00, and I’m not going to be able to finish.

I’ve found a new level of efficiency this year that surprises me. (Of course, as I say this, I’m writing a blog post, but the gist can be gotten.)

Despite the shit that was my first two weeks, and the sheer lack of sleep and academic hell-hole that was last week, I’ve found this new ability to just sit and work, with barely a flicker as I change radio stations. I still have trouble when other people are present, because I want to socialize, but when I have the office to myself (from about 18:00 until classes in the morning), I can just work with barely a halt to see new e-mail or post blog posts. (Hence the lack of lengthy or meaningful updates until this weekend.)

Never in my life, unless doing some mad programming, have I been able to work twelve hours non-stop, day after day. I don’t know how I’m not running on “E” right now. Lack of sleep, not enough running, funky food schedule, academic stress ever-increasing, personal stress spiking violently weekly.

But I feel fine. I don’t feel like complaining. I’m learning to hit my peak efficiency during these night hours and to ride the wave smoothly, despite the fact that there really aren’t enough hours in a day for what’s on my plate. I’m tired, but not… fatigued, I guess. Luke made a joke last week about me running 90 hour weeks, but I hadn’t counted. 24 h/day * 6 days/week – 3.5 h sleep [avg]/day * 6 days = 123 h/week. A little more than 90 hours, even with padding for the downtime I usually take in the afternoons when people come in the office.

(Watch me end up wailing and ranting about my life/schedule by the end of this week when the administration finally responds to the latest developments and I need to crunch in research time and Thorn. Haha.)

Of course, I crash about 09:00 every morning, just in time to miss the crux of my Computer Architecture class and to blur my way through my maths. Funny anecdote:

Last week, before the Comp Arch exam, we went over the design of an 32-bit arithmetic logic unit (ALU). J.P. got through the addition of two bits and said, “Now we’re going to do the set-less-than function,” just as I zoned out/fell asleep.

I awoke to “And there’s the set-less-than function! Any questions?”

Guess what function of the ALU was examined and modified on the exam Thursday night? Yeah.

Kinda funny, but then again not. I caught on enough that I was able to get much partial credit on the exam, but my score was only slightly above the class average of 67 or 70 or whatever it was. (I’m officially only average.)

But back to the original idea: these lengthier blog posts (and this weekend in general) aside, I’m going to make mad use of this new focus while I have it. For all I know, it’ll only last this quarter and I won’t be able to overload [successfully] next quarter because I’ll be burned out. Given that I’m wanting to overload to take Anal Chem, I’d seriously better watch my ass, too.

Back to Comp Arch. My team (the “C-Biscuits”–don’t ask) is a trip, and it deserves an entire blog post one of these days…

It’s amazing how things can develop…

… in such a manner that I no longer feel safe sleeping in my own room.

Last night, the former roommate and suitemate paced the halls, walking past my room at least twice. At that point, I was just glad I stayed in my chair and committed no irrational acts.

This morning, Mae, Mae’s father, Mae’s sister, and myself found Mae’s deck to be vandalized. Attempts had been made to kick the supports out, and Tookie, whose nickname I have absolutely no problem posting all over the Internet at this point, spray-painted burned into the wood a lovely message about Mae on the deck. Vandalism.

The former roommate also seems to have moved out last night/early this morning at some point. We aren’t sure if Tookie or the suitemate are on campus.

Tookie’s involvement makes this less of a “spat” than an alignment of people against Mae, and, increasingly [apparently], towards me. We have no idea who all is involved, but the vandalism of the deck combined with the pacing outside my room has me concerned. If Tookie is involved, there is no telling what other entities (who I had previously thought friendly) are harboring resentment and may act on it.

I have moved out of my room until this situation is resolved to my satisfaction.

For all this shit, I may as well have gone to UNC with all the International Baccalaureate people. “Moolissa” is much preferred to not wanting to sleep in my own bed.

Lissa Leg Lovin’ 101, Quiz 1; 70%

Conversation with Mae:

Mae: –like a gazelle. I’m so jealous of your legs, Liss.
Me: What? They’re fat. And butch.
Mae: That’s because you have muscle.
Me: Hm. Well.

She’s right. I’m fully aware of the benefits of the strength of my legs; I threw around a lot of weight today moving Mae into her new room with absolutely no problem because I know how to use my legs to carry the bulk of added weight.

This doesn’t make my legs nice, though. This makes them functional. I’m vain enough to be moderately concerned with physical appearance, and I know mine is lacking. My legs are scarred by both the heinous case of chickenpox I had when I was five and the weight I used to carry.

So I give myself a 70% on this quiz.

My next dilemma is one I’m still working on: I’m not eating enough. Mae remarked on my thinness as I was on my way to run today. The stress and schedule of the last three weeks has caused me to lose inches off my waist, that, quite frankly, I don’t have. Hollows are showing in bones I didn’t know I had. Bleh.

I eat a full breakfast, because that’s routine. The first two weeks of school, I had class and lab straight through lunch, and ate dinner around 21:00 when I finally sat down to do homework. This past week, I’ve usually gone down to get lunch, but don’t find much I want, and usually pick through a salad and have a little granola.

I didn’t even realize what I was doing until I connected my constant hunger [which I’d noticed, because it’s a distraction from work] with a lunch I had with Lukzor this past Thursday–a small bowl of mashed potatoes and a handful of granola, compared to his tray full of food. Now, I’m not trying to match Luke caloric or volumetric intake, because I’ve gotten used to eating lightly compared to my diet during high school, but this is not sufficient.

So I’m working on it. Nikolai is helping with good-natured nagging, and Mae and I are tag-teaming to get each other to eat at least two meals a day, methinks. She ate less than I did last week, and lost an even more obvious amount.

But it’s hard. All I’m doing is working; I don’t think there are mental/control issues coming to the fore, for once. But I have a shit-ton of work to do right now; I resent even the thirty minutes it takes to get dinner at the on-campus Subway, because all I can easily do in the line while waiting is read, and that’s only occasionally useful in such a math-heavy schedule as mine. I don’t feel comfortable eating/snacking in class; I remember my annoyance with people constantly doing that in high school, and find it rude. So I’m still looking for solutions.

Oh, and I ran 4 miles in 44:40 today on the treadmill. Metallica’s “Orion” kept me company.