On Life and Love

And with a quiet exhalation…

Today, my department head asked me how many modifications I was going to make to the test she’d made before I gave it to my students. The administration has been hammering us to do common assessments all year, but I’d been struggling to do PEAK-style tests — which include review questions and “skills” questions — all year. Relooping to help the kiddies and all that.

This week has been very, very rough. I’ve overslept twice (once cause me to be over an hour late; both causing me to be unprepared) and am at my wits end. These past few months have been a special kind of hell. I’ve been trying so very hard, and I think I’m failing at being a good teacher.

With a quiet sigh, I told her that I would just type up the test, but wouldn’t change anything. She smiled and confirmed that we’d checked the little box for doing common assessments. Her rogue element was under control. No crazy, progressive shenanigans this week.

I don’t think she’s realized just how done I am. My health is failing. I’m sleepwalking. Parts of my body are shutting down. My commutes are becoming dangerous due to sleep deprivation.

I’m done. I’m not going to let this kill me.

I’ll probably draft up something more interesting to post in these parts while I’m working at the hospital this weekend (yeah, the second job’s not helping, either). For now, I need to go to sleep so I can wake up when I need to in the morning.


  • Michael

    Please just look out for your health and happiness. I’m SURious, as you try to fix this situation, if it turns out you’re done with it, really try to assess early whether each of your alternatives will put you back in an analogous state, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, w/e.

    I’m proud to know you, and to see the hard work you’ve been putting in. It makes me fn hate CMS, and hate that from time to time i gave a teacher a hard time in the past.

  • Luke

    Hey Pookie. I’m sorry to see things going so rough for you. I don’t know the full details and stuff, but it sounds like you need to take an evening away from school and rest yourself back up. Even those of us from Rose get old eventually and we can’t go on so few hours of sleep like we used to (hell, I’ve even cut back on my alcohol consumption due to being unable to recover by work time on Monday).

    I’m sure you’re a wonderful teacher. You just need to find some “work-life” balance. 😉 I actually had someone tell me that once…now if only they knew I had been to 4 Masonic events that week instead of going home they would’ve realized my “work-life” balance was great. My “Masonic-sleep” balance was off a bit.

    Anyway, take care and good luck.

  • Phill Stewart

    Hi, sorry to read all you have been through at CMS.
    This only goes to prove my thoughts as to the quality of
    the system sucks as soon as it squelches new ideas, especially from how focussed you were on your education!!!
    CMS just obviously doesn’t deserve to top quality new teachers who know the latest and are closest to what’s up!
    You Go and find a project to do where the people are glad you have a brain.
    Learn that it is a project and you will do your best so that is what they get. Don’t ever sell short what you know to be right; but, also please don’t think that you have to fix what’s wrong with places you decide to, NOT “jus, fit in !
    Be Well and Prosper.
    Love to you for your effort to try to share with where you came.
    Now Go, you, jus go and be glad you are alive, young and ambitious, sooner or later, ya never know, you’ll find the place to be, til then keep pluggin, and if ya can’t learn anything, it’s always to to GO!
    Peace Melissa,
    Phill sr TGD