On Life and Love

What if?

What if helping someone you love means going against some of your core values? What if it means encouraging behavior you believe is damaging in the long-term? What if it means giving up your freedom?

How much of yourself do you give up for a friend’s benefit?

The only words I can use to describe my current predicament are scary, sad, disappointing, frustrating, and painful. I don’t respond well to feeling trapped, and I’m angry at myself for letting myself be outmaneuvered into this position.

Now I just need to figure out how to fix it.


  • Luke

    Hm. Some times it’s better to backout gracefully from a situation that you can’t fix than it is to ruin yourself along with the other.

  • Lissa

    The behavior being encouraged is what may be best described as helping someone externally define themself. I would be filling his need for external validation — helping someone “make” their identity through my approval or disapproval of what they do.

    It goes against so much of what I consider crucial in life — self-sufficiency, independence/looser connections with people — and ties me down to being someone else’s identity. What happens when my life takes me out of his orbit? Or should I let that happen, if I care about his well-being?